ANGER MANAGEMENT

Anger is a natural and necessary human emotion – we all know what it means – and what it feels like. Of all the emotions we experience, healthy anger is often the one that empowers us to make constructive change,  including setting clear boundaries with others and speaking up for ourselves in new ways.

But experiences with anger and the way that we manage it can vary.

Unhealthy or mismanaged anger occurs when we are reactive rather than responsive. It unleashes automatic thoughts and behaviours, which can seem beyond our control. Our mismanaged anger can either be directed outwardly as aggression, or inwardly leading to self-destructive thoughts and behaviour. “Internalised anger” is another definition for depression; it causes a lot of stress both mental and physical, leading to health issues or even to self-harm.

CAUSES

Anger has many causes and the triggers that lead to it vary from person to person.

Sometimes anger relates back to events and things have happened to you or your family in the past. Sometimes the stress of everyday life can make it hard for you to keep your balance and curb your anger. You may become angry if you feel threatened, if things are not going your way, if you feel powerless or if someone is disrespectful towards you. Some of us are simply more prone to anger than others – but the reason behind our angry inclinations isn’t always clear. Ultimately, there are probably as many reasons for anger as there are people to experience it.

Anger becomes a problem if it gets out of control, putting you in danger of hurting yourself or others around you, mentally or physically. Repeated angry outbursts can have a devastating impact on our home life, our work, our relationships, our wellbeing – our lives.  

SYMPTOMS

Being angry and out of control on the outside or the inside can be a lonely and stressful place to be.

UNHEALTHY ANGER DIRECTED OUTWARDS:

·       Violence or aggression

·       Lashing out with verbal or emotional threats and outbursts

·       Being controlling or critical

·       Relationship problems

·       Blaming

·       Frequently over-defensive or ashamed of your own aggressive behaviour

UNHEALTHY ANGER DIRECTED INWARDS:

·       General anxiety and distress

·       Self – loathing and self-harm

·       Emotional shutdown, fear, avoidance, depression

·       Withdrawal, holding bitterness or gudges

·       Blame and self-pity

·       Being over-accommodating or appeasing in a relationship

·       Being passive aggressive, refusing to speak to people

CAN COUNSELLING THERAPY HELP?

Yes. You cannot control the situations that might provoke your anger, but you can learn to manage your attitude towards them through anger management counselling.

Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore the triggers that precipitate your angry feelings and can help you develop the skills you need to be able to handle them more effectively. Working together, we can locate and target the multitude of other emotions entangled within anger – such as shame, fear and embarrassment – which may be having an impact on you, leading to angry confrontation or self-harm. During therapy you can learn to communicate less aggressively and build on strategies that can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed when emotions rise again. As you learn to understand the causes of your anger, we can work towards turning your destructive behaviours into more constructive responses.

Our shared goal will be for you to ultimately manage your anger, rather than it managing you.