LOW SELF-ESTEEM

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM VERSUS LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves.

When our sense of self-esteem is healthy, we feel positive about ourselves and life in general. We are in a better position to deal with the ups and downs life throws at us.

When our sense of self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our lives in a more negative and critical light. Our confidence falls, often leading us to give up easily rather than face challenges.

Of course, we all have times when we are unhappy about ourselves and lack a bit of confidence, but when these feelings become severe and don’t budge, they can have a strong negative impact on our mental health.

People with a chronically low sense of self-esteem feel like failures. They can become profoundly pessimistic and not wanting to fail even more, will not try to accomplish anything worthwhile. Anything challenging will seem too difficult and expectations of failure become self-fulfilling.  

LOW SELF-ESTEEM - CAUSES

All people have a mental picture of themselves, although no one is born with a self-image. Self esteem is formed through learned experiences beginning at birth. Through encounters and interactions with others, especially family members, young children develop an internal picture of themselves and come to place a value on it.

When the messages we receive from those around us are negative and we find it hard to live up to people’s or our own expectations, then a sense of failure can creep in. Stress and difficult live events, can also have a negative impact, as can personality. Some people are more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.

For some reason, the message that we are not good enough is the one that sticks most of all. We start to blame ourselves and allow ourselves to suffer from a set of long-held beliefs from misconceptions we learned growing up.

SYMPTOMS

As always these vary considerably for everyone, but low self-esteem generally brings with it some of the following:

·       You hate or dislike yourself

·       You struggle to make decisions or assert yourself

·       You feel worthless or not good enough

·       You feel nobody likes you

·       You find it difficult to motivate yourself and identify your strengths

·       You blame yourself for things that are not your fault

·       You avoid social events

·       You lack confidence

·       You feel you don’t deserve happiness in your life

CAN COUNSELLING THERAPY HELP?

Yes. Self-esteem lies at the very heart of who we are and it also lies at the very heart of the counselling process. Counselling can help you explore the way you feel and change your view of yourself and others. These can be small changes – they don’t have to be massive – but they can make a huge difference on your self-esteem.

Together we can work with the tools you already have - ones you have simply not known you have; either because you have not spent the time or you have not seen the value. Our work would involve re-framing your negative perceptions and reflecting on how you can view yourself differently. Developing a new, more objective view of your personal history can allow you to understand your present situation more clearly. It can also offer an opportunity to see if there are patterns and habits in your current relationships you might choose to change or drop.

Whatever happens, counselling can give you a better insight as to how you have been sabotaging your sense of self worth. It can help you to feel better about yourself and better about others around you, giving you the opportunity to raise your self-esteem and lead a more fulfilling and positive life.